Uncomfortable…


Ya know, it is a decidedly uncomfortable situation when one is caught in a set of circumstances that cannot be quickly remedied.  No matter how fast options pop up, none are fast enough to remedy the awkwardness of here and now. 

Wanting to be ‘enough’ but not being enough.

Being asked to explain then not being believed.

Feeling like a failure even though circumstances say success……

The dichotomy of life–can’t live with it; can’t live without it.

 

 

 

 

Symptom Diary? Food Diary??


Given the downward turn my health has taken, I guess it’s time to brush off the old, dusty practice of keeping symptom & food diaries.  On the good side, it makes me feel like I’m taking charge of my health & trying to manage the things within my control. Keeping track of things helps me identify triggers and patterns; those are things I can do something about.

On the less entertaining side, it pisses me off that I have to watch & micro-manage every aspect of my life in order to feel somewhat “normal”.  I already feel like I’m having to dumb-down my life to manage my energy crisis.  I also busted my ass to finish a master’s degree that I can’t do a whole lot with on a part-time basis….. RANT!

Anyway, I will manage what I can & begrudgingly accept what I cannot.  Consider the symptom & food diaries dusted off and in use……..

 

 

 

Time Marches On


Since my last check-in I have:

1. Put my home on the market

2. Moved in with my sweetie of 10+ years (what took me so long??)

3. Faced some difficult health truths

4. Become a grandmother for the second time–welcome Jaxin!!

5. Realized that working full-time is not an option for me–a part-time option is on the horizon

6. Fallen into the depths of menopause

7. Braced myself for turning 50 in January but have NOT come to terms with what is happening to my body.

Time marches on…..

Cats Stealing Dog Beds


http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2013/10/cats-stealing-dog-beds-compilation.html

Watching this made my day better! I love http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com

Video

The Down Side


As usual, I’ve been hit-and-miss posting (bet you guys figured it out!). 

I have been learning a tough lesson….. I’m sure you’ve heard the adage “You’ve got to take the good with the bad”.  Well, I will go a step farther:  Sometimes the good IS the bad.  What brought this on, you ask??  What has shaken my usually perky, positive demeanor???  My glass-is-half-full persona???  Well, it’s like this:  I have a marvelous life, a promising career, plenty of money (relatively speaking) and all of the promise that a middle aged woman could wish for; sounds pretty freakin’ awesome doesn’t it??  Well get THIS:  I DON’T HAVE THE ENERGY TO LIVE MY AWESOME LIFE.  Looks like it’s time for a hard earned existential life crisis ya’ll…..  WTF……  More to come…..

 

 

My Next Right Thing


For oh-so-many years I have been compelled to buy local, support small businesses, down size and spend time doing what I felt was important.  Sometimes I have been more successful at it than others and sometimes I have lost my way entirely–having to travel full-circle to remember who I was & who I wanted to grow to be.

Well, today I joined a local farmers coop.  I have wanted to for years but was totally unaware that we had one in the area.   Not only do we have one–we HAVE HAD for almost 10 years!  Wondering where MY head has really been…..  Anyway…

After work today I stopped in and looked around, comparing prices with our local supermarkets & the sites I have been ordering from.  I was surprised at how competitive the prices are and happy with the variety of things they have. ….So I signed on,  picked up a load of local, organic  goodies and feel great about seizing the opportunity.  What have you guys done that made you feel you’ve done something good for yourself and made a difference in your community?

I Woke Up Like This!


Well, here I am with another sporadic, random update…… Believe it or not, I have at least a dozen draft posts in-progress but haven’t had the casabas to go-live and toss them out. Some of them are personal and I have to be in the right frame of mind;  I’ll get there…… BUT that’s not why I’m here this time!

I wanted to give an update on my latest odd event:  I woke up vegan-seriously.  When did I realize it?  When my man came over and had a “where’s the beef” moment!  Prior to that I hadn’t noticed because I live alone, cooking and shopping for myself.  The last time I recall having a conscious thought about animal products was back in March–I threw out a half gallon of milk that had gone bad.  I decided to not buy more until I wanted it and have not wanted it yet.  That same day I mixed my last three eggs into the dogs’ food;  they had been in my fridge for an unknown period of time and the “best by” date was way, WAY back when.  I decided to buy more when I wanted them, but not until.  Why?  Because I really hate to waste things, especially food.  As far as meat products go, I have never been a big consumer so it was  normal for me to NOT have much (if any) around the house.

Where am I going with it ~OR~ what’s next?  No idea/no clue!  What I do know:

1.  I feel better.

2.  My lab results look better

3.  My blood pressure is normalizing & if the trend continues I will be off of BP medications before Thanksgiving.  This is miraculous, given that I come from a multi-generational predisposition to malignant hypertension.

4. It’s a lot less expensive eating this way. 

I will roll with it and see how it goes, updating as I go along.  This post will fall under the heading of “projects in progress”; we know I have no shortage of those!  I would love to hear any insight you guys have to share. 

Biochemical Response?


Have you ever felt panicky & hyperventilated at the thought of letting someone (or a group of someone’s) down?  Even when you were right??  AND you didn’t give a flying rats ass about what they thought??  I just had that automatic response to a situation I’ve seen coming, and I’m spending a moment trying to figure out why.  I know a sense of disappointment comes from ones unmet expectations, but I am also learning that it is fine for those with unreasonable expectations to FEEL DISAPPOINTMENT. I’m sure my response comes from my innate desire to be a fixer & people pleaser.   Any of you guys ever experienced this??

More Changes!


It’s time for another brief update and I will soon be on a normal blogging schedule again!  On the home front, I have decided to give up my second job.  My list of reasons for keeping it was very long in the beginning but ultimately, I would rather spend the time doing things I enjoy.

Since graduating, I have cleaned out, sorted, reorganized, purged and otherwise reevaluated a number if things in my life.  Turns out, the second job also needs to go!  I’ve given notice and in about a month will only have ONE job!  In the meantime, I have started a number of crafty home projects I have had on the back burner for a couple of years.  Today I’ve been working on painting old furniture I’ve retrieved from other people’s cast-offs.  Refurbishing & up-cycling are two of my most favorite past-times and today I have loving a natural/fantasy theme:

 

foliofinebooks.com

foliofinebooks.com

Botanical-Flowering-plant-Italian-1http://vintageprintable.com/wordpress/vintage-printable-entertainment-recreation-2/

I wanted to take a moment to update & share–back to crafting & painting!!

Still Paring Down


Another brief update:  I am SO enjoying being out of school!!  I’m catching up on things I have allowed to slide and it feels great.  Even better, I’ve chosen to give up my second job.  Now that I’ve taken my full-time position, it has been overwhelming and I can’t devote the time I should to job # 2.  I’m happy with my choice and I feel at peace with it.  My last day will be the 1st of July–Counting down! I love paring down my schedule as much as paring down my clutter!!

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