Screw the Lemons!!


 

Screw the lemons!

Please NOTE:

This post was made & saved as a draft back when life was hunky-fucking-dory and there were no black clouds looming on my horizon.  I think it is a nice post with a nice message, so I am putting it out there.  However, in my world the shit has hit the proverbial fan and I am bordering on suicidal-not to mention the fact that I am bawling like a cow & smelling like one too.  The explanation to that will come in my next post.  For now, enjoy these earlier, happier days! On to………

SCREW THE LEMONS!!

We’ve all heard “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!”.  Overall, it’s great advice and I am a staunch proponent of making the best of the hand we’re dealt. However, there’s a problem with the actual application; when one is mired in a rotten lemon pile, it’s pretty damned hard to mobilize the squeezer.

With that being said, I AM in lemonade land right now.  Life is good for me and things are going my way in all directions right now.  Why am I posting this then?  Because life is about cycles.  If one is on top of the heap now then it is reasonable to anticipate settling downward.  As a non-physics major I can’t spout the formula but I’m sure it’s one of the universal laws of the universe or something like that.

My take-away message?  Plan ahead, stay prepared, be humble, be positive, pay it forward because we only have two choices: we can hide out or help out.  Ride the wave of good times, just be prepared for when the tide goes out. 

Can Ya Relate??


I’m just sayin’…..

Gotta love the old gal!!

From: PICK YOUR BRAIN


Shared from PICK YOUR BRAIN’s page.  Nothing helps us be more successful than a well designed plan combined with an open mind.  Read on…..

FIVE WAYS TO LIVE A DRAMA FREE LIFE:

Drama sucks.

Not “dramas” as in movies, TV shows, plays, etc that are serious in tone, but rather “drama” as in the petty ridiculous conflicts that get blown way out of proportion for no reason at all.

Urban Dictionary has my favorite definition of this kind of drama: “making a big deal over something unnecessarily.”

We’d like to believe that petty social drama ends the day we leave high school, but sadly, this is not the case. No matter how old they are, people can still find ways of adding unnecessary conflict to their relationships, be they at work, at home, or with friends.

This is truly a shame, because drama increases stress, ruins relationships, and eats away at that one precious commodity none of us can afford to waste: time.

If you want to stress less, have better relationships, and make the most of the limited time you have on earth, I would highly suggest you eliminate as much of the drama from your life as you can.  Here are 5 things you can do to live “drama free”:

 

Make No Assumptions

Assumptions are where drama starts. Somebody does something that bothers you, and then you run off and start making assumptions about why they did it.

What you observe someone doing is fact. If that bother you, then you need to deal with it. The moment you start making assumptions about their reasons, motives, or inner dialog is the moment you move out of the realm of rational thought and into the world of unnecessary stress.

You have no way of truly knowing what a person is thinking or why they do the things they do. Catch yourself when you start making those assumptions; if you want to live drama free, let those assumptions go and simply resolve to deal with the observable behavior.

Don’t Believe the Grapevine

Problems tend to increase exponentially with each additional person who is added to the communication chain. If I hear you say something, I can be pretty sure of what I heard. If Sandy tells me that John told Jane that Steve heard Sheila say something, chances are that the story you are hearing bears little resemblance to the actual truth.

Each additional person alters the story to some degree. They may remember things differently. They may add in emotion of verbiage that wasn’t there before. They may just be flat out wrong.

If you hear something through the grapevine, it might be worth investigating. But if you work yourself up into a lather based on third, fourth, and fifth party communication, then you are just feeding the drama monster.

Don’t get sucked into this. Skip the grapevine and go straight for the horse’s mouth. It will save time and cut the drama factor way down…

Be Direct

Drama is simply a byproduct of people’s inability to communicate like logical, rational adults. This is why it is so prevalent in highs school. This is also why it should be 100% unacceptable in the adult world.

If you have a problem with someone, talk to them about it. If you believe that someone has a problem with you, talk to them about it. Direct conversations nip drama in the bud. This is not to say that direct conversations make all problems go away, but they will help you cut through the nonsense and deal with the real issue.

Relationship challenges begin and are compounded by passive aggressive behavior and indirect communication. If you want to cut out the drama, be willing to have those “crucial conversations.”

Be the Bigger Person

Fighting fire with fire is good if you are trying to control a raging wilderness inferno. It’s not so good if you are trying to eliminate needless petty conflicts from your life.

When you find yourself the victim of some small offense, your first instinct may be to respond in kind. While this may feel good for a moment, it usually just escalates the situation and makes everything worse. If you truly want to live drama free, then you need to be willing to be the bigger person and let things go.

You don’t need to get in the last word, you don’t need to “one up” the other person, and you certainly don’t need to make them pay for wronging you. Just let it go, and watch the drama flow away.

Avoid Drama Queens

After you have made sure that you are not creating the drama yourself, the best way to keep your life drama free is to eliminate the drama queens (or kings!) from your life.

This is easy when you meet new people or are dealing with someone you aren’t very close to. Once you realize they are “drama prone,” minimize (or if you can, eliminate) the interactions you have with them.

With people you are close to, have a long history with, or are related to, or who are genuinely good people who’s one major flaw is their tendency to make a big deal over nothing, you don’t have to cut them out of your life altogether. Just acknowledge that quality about them and, when they start acting up, don’t get sucked into their “drama vortex.”

We are functions of our environment. To live drama free, get as many drama creators out of your life as possible.

You may never be able to eliminate all the drama from your life, but with just a little bit of focus and discipline you can certainly minimize how much you have in your life. It’s well worth doing – the less drama you have in your life, the room you have for fun, joy and great relationships!

***
Avish Parashar is the Motivational Smart Ass. As a speaker and on his blog, Avish makes people laugh while sharing with them simple ideas to make their lives easier and more successful. To read more of his ridiculous rantings on self improvement, watch videos of him in action, and download the free “How to Think Quick” MP3, visit his Motivational Humor Blog at http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com

I Failed a Test


Another random silly email from one of my crazy friends:

IF you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test.

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the Blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO__

Answers below:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?
(I did)

Good news!!  You do NOT have Alzheimer’s

You are a Pervert

My Personal Wellness Plan


When I started this blog  I was sick & couch–bound.  I  hoped to loosely chronicle my slow ascent to better health.  Well, I am officially pronouncing it a success!  Yes I’m doing much better; most of it because I’m making better choices & have learned the rules for being the “new me”.  Had I continued to live the same way, I suspect my outcome would’ve been much less impressive.

One of my biggest choices was how to continue working & maintaining my independent life. The prospect of living on disability, for me, was a worst-case scenario and I could NOT wrap my head around it. Realistically  chronic illness creates bad days/weeks/months where I feel like hell and there’s no way around it.  Soooo,   I concluded that most times being at work didn’t make me feel worse & sometimes it even made me feel better.  Plus, it’s better to try than not.  At that point  I realized I had to tweak & clarify what REALLY worked,  accept that my life has changed FOREVER, then find a way to make it work.  GAME ON!

Towards that end, I worked part-time and spent a number of  years streamlining my health management routine-such as it has become.  I’m officially a high maintenance health gal and frankly, the whole process makes me yearn to poke my own eyeball out with a fork.  Yeah–it’s that much fun.  However, the alternative is even less desirable, so I’m on board!

Thus began years of picking & choosing, trialing & erroring, trying & failing, wishing & whining;  a quest to  find what works without feeling like I’m suffering, missing out or deprived.   I’ve kept food diaries, symptom diaries, pain diaries, vital signs diaries, feelings diaries, calendars, day planners, medi-planners, appointment planners, project planners…. You know what I realized??  I still did whatever I wanted or felt like.  (Sez the cranky old lady who preaches accountability and responsibility all the time…..)  Most of them were only mildly helpful since I kept opting to forget to use the information I learned about me.  I think I have a post on DENIAL somewhere… Finally, I figured out (admitted)  I actually had to USE the information I discovered….

Anyway,  I have been able to implement a few (basic)  key things most of the time and a few more some of the time.  I can tell it’s been helpful and my health world has improved.  I wouldn’t say I’ve been wildly successful since some of the more important efforts have been epic fails, but I’ve MORE than scratched the surface.  Here are some of the things I’ve done/learned that have made a great difference:

1.  I say “NO”.  Lesson:  When you say ‘no’ to something, it means you’re saying “YES” to something else.  You are not required to explain to anyone why.  If the recipient of said “no” feels that “why” matters, stick by your guns.  It’s THEIR boundary issue, not yours.  Let’em stew.

2.  I get enough sleep.  It’s ok to take a nap if you need to.  See #1 if required.

3.  I always carry a couple of durable, healthy snacks in my  bag/car so I’ll remember to eat them instead of a donut at least half of the time.  DO NOT leave an apple in the glove box from February ’til May ~OR~ put a ripe banana in a tote bag….Just keepin’ it real….

4.  I take my medicine like I’m  supposed to and I don’t get dramatic about side effects.  Drama is the enemy in all things.  Remember–Your Dr. is NOT trying to kill you.  Side effects are expected; that’s why they’re listed on the information we’re given at the pharmacy. Many of them pass with time.  If the side effects are insurmountable, talk to your health professional INSTEAD of talking about them behind their back. IF every medication has (in your mind) side effects which aren’t tolerable, then you haven’t been sick enough yet.  Keep NOT taking care of yourself; soon the side effects won’t seem so crappy.   Communication is the single greatest FAIL in health care today and I see a lot of patients dropping the ball.  Rant over.

5.  I try to manage the options within my control.  I resolved to stretch/exercise four days a week.  I actually do it only 2-3 days a week.  I feel better though and I feel best when I stick with my resolution.  Without it, I lose strength & lean muscle at the speed of light.  (Not to mention my ass hastens its quest southward)  My attitude also starts circling the drain-if you know what I mean… Our bodies truly are “use it or lose it” mechanisms.  No way around it and no pill and no amount of complaining will fix it.

6.  If I eat foods with ingredients I can’t pronounce, I’ll feel like words I shouldn’t say…..

7.  I always take a multi-vitamin.  Really.

8.  I think and plan ahead.  If I  know my medications cost a lot of money every month, I don’t act like it’s a surprise every time they roll around.   If you’re struggling with med costs, check out www.needymeds.org  Sometimes it’s a sacrifice but a $50 prescription is better than a $10,000 hospital stay….

9.  I take care of myself in general.  Keeping a basic daily routine makes a difference.  So does keeping some sort of log or diary. Putting on a little makeup helps.  De-cluttering areas that cause me stress REALLY helps.  If I only have five minutes to spend, I can make a difference in my life, my surroundings and how I feel about them.

10.  When I have setbacks or get discouraged, I remind myself of the progress I’ve made ~AND~ that my process remains a work in progress.

Riddle Me This–with answer


Think about this and see if you can come up with the answer.  The answer is completely  G rated…..

Riddle of the Day   (answer below)

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.

What is it?  Think about it….. The answer is——- a LAST NAME!

Brand Name or Generic?


Another funny email from my friend Roger.  Given the path of research $$ in American, I’m afraid it’s only half tongue-in-cheek.
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.


Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

 
   
 

Old is….


‘OLD’ IS
WHEN…
Your
sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do
both!’

‘OLD’ IS
WHEN…

Your
friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re
barefoot.

‘OLD’ IS
WHEN…

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker
opens the garage door,

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Going braless pulls all the
wrinkles out of your face.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You
don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go
along.

‘OLD’
IS WHEN…

You are
cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the
police

‘OLD’
IS WHEN.
..
‘Getting a little action’ means you
don’t need to take any fiber today.

‘OLD’
IS WHEN…
‘Getting
lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.

‘OLD’
IS WHEN…
An ‘all-nighter’ means not getting up
to use the bathroom.

AND

‘OLD’ IS
WHEN…

You are
not sure these are
jokes.

Lipstick & Lessons


I continue to be without a voice, but I do have plenty of ice cream which makes me feel better about it.  For those who I’m friends with on FB, you’ve read this one.  I had to put it here too though!

*Pure genius.  This was sent to me by a friend; there was no name to give credit for authorship but it will forever admire the mind this sprang from! *

A certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A

counterfeitchic.com

number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal, Sister Paschal, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance

xomba

man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Paschal asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Thoughts on Life, Friends & Pretty Underwear


One day my friend “S” became my patient..  She is always so cheery and vibrant but one day, she began having chest pain.  That bought her a ticket to me.  Of course, the drill began–off with the clothes, on with the monitors, out goes the modesty…

As she undressed, I saw she had on the most AWESOME matching underwear and bra.  Seriously.   I told her how pretty it was and she laughed out loud.  Then she went on to tell the story of why she always wears pretty under stuff  and it rang true with me.  She said it made her feel “better and more put-together”.  After all, “some days, all I can control is my damned underwear!”.  Then we BOTH had a laugh!

The exchange got me thinking…..I suppose it’s the same thing as not saving the good china for “special” occasions.  Every day needs to be special.    When I got home, I decided to clean out my under drawers drawer.  It was pretty bleak and sparse since I’ve been commando for several years– with the exception of work.   I know–TMI–sorry.

I waded through my dozen pair of beige and gray cotton granny panties I wear under my scrubs and pared them down to a dull roar, then I looked at my two bras.  My favorite one is black and purple (really) and I’ve had it since my daughter was six months old; she’s 19 years old now–yes, it’s true.  The other one is beige and I bought it to wear with T-shirts.  That’s it.  Beige and itchy.  Throw it out!  Done.

Then I headed to Walmart, just to see what was available.  Keep in mind, my body is an economy model.  I don’t need any special devices or engineering, just a little smoothing.  Comfort is king in my world.  So….Everything I saw had under wire, stiff lace and padding (lots!) and water liners (REALLY??)  and bling–where were the simple, pretty bras??  I FINALLY  found the Hanes Comfort line.  Soft, tagless, cotton, pretty, simply decorated, throw-in-the-washer bras.  AND they were inexpensive!!  SOLD! Then I found the pretty cotton panties to go with my pretty cotton bras…..Bought myself a nice little gift!  Now I think about putting myself together-at least more than in the recent past….I might look plain on the outside–but under it all, I’m the bomb-diggity!!

P/S:  To finish the original story, “S” was fine and had no cardiac issues.  False alarm, thank goodness!  Now, every time I see her we exchange a look and a laugh.  Sometimes we’ll even discreetly show each other a strap if it’s something especially pretty….

Worth repeating–I LOVE the Graphics Fairy!

The Graphics Fairy

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