Screw the Lemons!!


 

Screw the lemons!

Please NOTE:

This post was made & saved as a draft back when life was hunky-fucking-dory and there were no black clouds looming on my horizon.  I think it is a nice post with a nice message, so I am putting it out there.  However, in my world the shit has hit the proverbial fan and I am bordering on suicidal-not to mention the fact that I am bawling like a cow & smelling like one too.  The explanation to that will come in my next post.  For now, enjoy these earlier, happier days! On to………

SCREW THE LEMONS!!

We’ve all heard “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!”.  Overall, it’s great advice and I am a staunch proponent of making the best of the hand we’re dealt. However, there’s a problem with the actual application; when one is mired in a rotten lemon pile, it’s pretty damned hard to mobilize the squeezer.

With that being said, I AM in lemonade land right now.  Life is good for me and things are going my way in all directions right now.  Why am I posting this then?  Because life is about cycles.  If one is on top of the heap now then it is reasonable to anticipate settling downward.  As a non-physics major I can’t spout the formula but I’m sure it’s one of the universal laws of the universe or something like that.

My take-away message?  Plan ahead, stay prepared, be humble, be positive, pay it forward because we only have two choices: we can hide out or help out.  Ride the wave of good times, just be prepared for when the tide goes out. 

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I Failed a Test


Another random silly email from one of my crazy friends:

IF you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test.

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the Blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO__

Answers below:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?
(I did)

Good news!!  You do NOT have Alzheimer’s

You are a Pervert

Riddle Me This–with answer


Think about this and see if you can come up with the answer.  The answer is completely  G rated…..

Riddle of the Day   (answer below)

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.

What is it?  Think about it….. The answer is——- a LAST NAME!

Brand Name or Generic?


Another funny email from my friend Roger.  Given the path of research $$ in American, I’m afraid it’s only half tongue-in-cheek.
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.


Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

 
   
 

Thoughts on Life, Friends & Pretty Underwear


One day my friend “S” became my patient..  She is always so cheery and vibrant but one day, she began having chest pain.  That bought her a ticket to me.  Of course, the drill began–off with the clothes, on with the monitors, out goes the modesty…

As she undressed, I saw she had on the most AWESOME matching underwear and bra.  Seriously.   I told her how pretty it was and she laughed out loud.  Then she went on to tell the story of why she always wears pretty under stuff  and it rang true with me.  She said it made her feel “better and more put-together”.  After all, “some days, all I can control is my damned underwear!”.  Then we BOTH had a laugh!

The exchange got me thinking…..I suppose it’s the same thing as not saving the good china for “special” occasions.  Every day needs to be special.    When I got home, I decided to clean out my under drawers drawer.  It was pretty bleak and sparse since I’ve been commando for several years– with the exception of work.   I know–TMI–sorry.

I waded through my dozen pair of beige and gray cotton granny panties I wear under my scrubs and pared them down to a dull roar, then I looked at my two bras.  My favorite one is black and purple (really) and I’ve had it since my daughter was six months old; she’s 19 years old now–yes, it’s true.  The other one is beige and I bought it to wear with T-shirts.  That’s it.  Beige and itchy.  Throw it out!  Done.

Then I headed to Walmart, just to see what was available.  Keep in mind, my body is an economy model.  I don’t need any special devices or engineering, just a little smoothing.  Comfort is king in my world.  So….Everything I saw had under wire, stiff lace and padding (lots!) and water liners (REALLY??)  and bling–where were the simple, pretty bras??  I FINALLY  found the Hanes Comfort line.  Soft, tagless, cotton, pretty, simply decorated, throw-in-the-washer bras.  AND they were inexpensive!!  SOLD! Then I found the pretty cotton panties to go with my pretty cotton bras…..Bought myself a nice little gift!  Now I think about putting myself together-at least more than in the recent past….I might look plain on the outside–but under it all, I’m the bomb-diggity!!

P/S:  To finish the original story, “S” was fine and had no cardiac issues.  False alarm, thank goodness!  Now, every time I see her we exchange a look and a laugh.  Sometimes we’ll even discreetly show each other a strap if it’s something especially pretty….

Worth repeating–I LOVE the Graphics Fairy!

The Graphics Fairy

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