Humble Pie

Another bit of humor–shared by a friend.  I can’t take credit & I hope I don’t resemble any of these scenarios….However, I did try to change the TV channel with the key fob for my car.  Really–It could happen to any of us…

That will be $5.37!  That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint, two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, “It’s OK. I’ll just give you the senior citizen discount.”
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. “Only$4.68” he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As
I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil Old? Me?

I’ll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

“Dude! Can’t get too far without your car keys, eh?” I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!

“Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!”

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That’s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus:

The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.

A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, “What is the world coming to?”

All I could say was, “Did I leave my food and drink in here”? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, “I think you left this in my truck by mistake.”

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: “It’s OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time.”

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I’m nottoo old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed

her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

P.S. Save the earth…… It’s the only planet with chocolate


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. spicyt
    Mar 27, 2012 @ 13:02:12

    This was sooo funny! I do that stuff all the time…and once had a lady behind the JCPenney counter say to me “um, ur not old enuf for our senior discount tuesday are u?”…..I’m like uh…I’m 44 so prolly not….she laughed and said, “Oh I didn’t think so…lol” but that one little exchanged made me feel rotten for a week! lol Admittedly I was not lookin my best that day, but in no way shape or fashion did I look 55….but watever…in retrospect I shoulda took the discount! lol


  2. phylor
    Mar 27, 2012 @ 12:03:45

    Perhaps an urban legend, but my nephew in California has a story of a woman who called AAA because the electronic dohickey that opens the door (we only have keys) wouldn’t work.
    The AAA fellow pointed out that there was a car key on her ring of house, work, etc. keys and that would open the door.
    The woman was shocked — a car that opened with a key — not possible.
    Thanks for sharing — I know several people, with your kind permission, of course, to pass this one along too!
    As to the age when you reach the magical discount of senior citizen — it seems to vary from state to state, business to business. One local grocery store has senior citizen discount day — I make sure my hair hasn’t been colo(u)red for a while, my eyes are baggy, and I talk about the good old days before scanners — sometimes it works, and I get my 5% (getting pretty close to their magic age of 55 any ways!


  3. deb aka abcsofra
    Mar 27, 2012 @ 04:40:19

    RLOL! OK, I don’t ask for the senior citizen discount but will start. Didn’t realize 55 qualifies me 🙂 55 was my last bday 🙂 Will let you know if they card me when I ask….now wouldn’t that be lovely!


    • Autoimmune Maven
      Mar 27, 2012 @ 08:02:27

      Thanks for stopping by to visit & glad you got a laugh! I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one who tried to take the wrong car…. OH YES I did…..Gimme my discount! Much appreciation–Please do let me know if you get carded…


  4. mo
    Mar 27, 2012 @ 01:58:28

    This is hysterical! I ASK for the senior discount….I figure you are entitled to it when you hit 55!


    • Autoimmune Maven
      Mar 27, 2012 @ 07:59:58

      Hi Mo! Thanks for reading–I’m not sure what qualifies for the senior citizen’s discount but I’ll dang sure take it when I can get it. My Uncle sent this to me and I nearly rolled on the floor!


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