Understanding Love/Hate & Risk Taking


*NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ MY RANT, PLEASE SKIP TO PARAGRAPH FOUR*

For those of you who have read my last two posts, you know what’s going on:  I’ve finally flipped my biscuit.  Normally I try to address relevant topics which have an impact on (or is related to) managing chronic illness, except when I’m discussing pretty under clothes.  Anyway, now I’m posting jokes and mundane drivel–hence-flipped biscuithood.

by cristabell 73

But I figured I’m NOT the only one crazy from this DAMNED WINTER!!!  Normally our first snow is in January.  THIS YEAR IT WAS THANKSGIVING DAY. It’s 0 degrees farenheit.  ZERO degrees= NO DEGREES.  My dogs are standing around with their legs crossed because it’s too cold to go pee.  Normally it’s a seasonally balmy 41 degrees but “normal” has been cast to the wind!!

I missed work because of the snow.  This makes two days this year I’ve had to miss due to weather.  Not so bad except there have only been 21 days in the year AND only six of those days have been work days for me.  Geez…..  Now I sound like a baby….Who cares!  This sucks and if the pacifier fits……

by z47bossman

I bet my Canadian friends are really getting a kick out of my loss of composure.  My heart lurches when I hear the weather they survive.  Living in KY means I experience ALL types of weather–but not cold in its true Northern fashion–BUT IT STILL SUCKS.

With that being said–I really do have a point to this post.   Even though I’ve bitched like a banshee over the weather, I LOVE having an excuse to have a do-nothing day when I feel well!!  Through no fault of my own (YES!!) I am being forced to stay home (HELL YES!!) even though I have no medical symptoms keeping me from working.  S-N-A-P!! I soaked in the tub…. I polished my nails… I cleaned out

from priceless collections

my closet…I read two magazines… I ate three bagels… I watched you tube…I took a nap for FUN-not because I was sick!  I’m so accustomed to being home sick, I had forgotten what a prize it is to be home and feel decent!!  That’s the dichotomy of love/hate.  No I want to–Yes I won’t.  Mull that over for a bit.

I’m not a risk-taker any more.  My sense of what I am NOT willing to do has become much clearer.  When I was younger and well-er I struggled with the gray areas of what I OUGHT TO DO. About five years ago the OUGHT fairy croaked, deader than a doorknob…  I gave up on useless guilt and arbitrary rules.  especially those created by others who don’t live my life.  It was liberating to realize the disappointment of others is not my problem.  Maybe they should look into coping skills in dealing with unmet expectations.   After all, nothing hurts us more than our own unmet expectations.  Think about that one for a bit too….

There was a time when I would’ve gone out an hour early to clean off my car, warm it up and stock it with provisions in case I slid off the road.  Then I

photobucket

would’ve hit the road extra-early to get there.  First one in–last one out.  I did it for years; even though I lived the farthest away, I was the first one in.  Sometimes the ONLY one. I’m over it though.  The ship has sailed, the torch has passed, the fat lady has sung her last note.  My physical tolerance and ability isn’t what it once was and I have to respect that.  At first I was disturbed, but I’ve chosen to view it as another version of AWESOMENESS!!


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