Demographically, I’m a 45 year old divorced woman, mother of two grown children and pet mommy to a house full of critters. I’m also a nurse and a patient, an educator and a student, a confident woman and a frightened child. The “me” I am now has very little in common with the person I was in my pre-diagnosis days; life is so much different from the one I had planned, yet I can’t imagine it unfolding in a different way.
Before diagnosis I was a type A, almost-workaholic. I skipped meals, stayed up late & got up early, not to mention smoking & drinking too much. Surprisingly, my body seemed to be plugging along just fine but little did I know…. I was always tired, had extreme chronic diarrhea and periodic rashes. I chalked it up to being busy and never gave it a second thought. The fact that it was ‘abnormal’ never crossed my mind; after all, ‘normal’ is what we grow accustomed to–right?
To fast-forward the whole show, I ended up sick, chronically. My whole life was turned upside down & I was almost homeless; luckily God smiled upon me and I climbed back up. Thus began my ascent into the person I’m growing up to be. I have noticed some amazing changes-more from what I don’t feel rather than what I do. Surprisingly, it’s all good!
I am much more confident in my abilities now. My last five years have been heinous and I MADE IT! Yes, I can handle most things. Situations don’t get my panties in a wad anymore. I’m able to remain calm & detached; this has been such a blessing for me–yet I’ve found it infuriates others. Guess they want a reaction…Whatever.
I also don’t stress & obsess over anything; it will be handled in it’s own time. My priorities determine it’s importance and I’ll deal with it–when I choose. This also infuriates others, but they will learn to deal with it. Their failure to plan/anticipate does not constitute an emergency for me. Others don’t have to understand my priorities. Most of them can’t. Sometimes I come across as being a bitch…Whatever.
I rebel and resist much less than I did during my pre-diagnosis days. Which famous movie contains the line: “Resistance is futile.” Wish I could remember……Anyway….. Rebelling saps too much energy and usually ends up negatively. I’ve adopted the practice of pulling when I am pushed. At least we’re moving in the same direction & resolution nearly always follows.
What’s my most favorite part of the new chronic me?? I don’t feel compelled to explain anything to anyone. There is no need & I have no obligation to do so. Do they like it? No…Whatever. They ask me a question, I say “no”. If I’m asked why, I simply say, “It’s personal, but thanks for asking.” Along the same vein, I have learned to pick my battles. I don’t mention anything about my health unless I feel like answering questions and explaining. I do want to promote education & advocacy and it’s important that I explain myself well.
Thank you for reading my introduction; many of you are learning about me at the same time I am. I’m proud to be part of Graceful Agony’s first ever Blog Carnival!!