Who am I Now? Introducing…Me!


Demographically, I’m a 45 year old divorced woman, mother of two grown children and pet mommy to a house full of critters.  I’m also a nurse and a patient, an educator and a student, a confident woman and a frightened child.   The “me” I am now has very little in common with the person I was  in my pre-diagnosis days; life is so much different from the one I had planned, yet I can’t imagine it unfolding in a different way.

Before diagnosis I was a type A, almost-workaholic.  I skipped meals, stayed up late & got up early, not to mention smoking & drinking too much.  Surprisingly, my body seemed to be plugging along just fine but little did I know….  I was always tired, had extreme chronic diarrhea and periodic rashes.  I chalked it up to being busy and never gave it a second thought.  The fact that it was ‘abnormal’ never crossed my mind; after all, ‘normal’ is what we grow accustomed to–right?

To fast-forward the whole show, I ended up sick, chronically.  My whole life was turned upside down & I was almost homeless; luckily God smiled upon me and I climbed back up.  Thus began my ascent into the person I’m growing up to be.  I have noticed some amazing changes-more from what I don’t feel rather than what I do.  Surprisingly,  it’s all good!

I am much more confident in my abilities now.  My last five years have been heinous and I MADE IT! Yes, I can handle most things.  Situations don’t get my panties in a wad anymore.  I’m able to remain calm & detached; this has been such a blessing for me–yet I’ve found it infuriates others.  Guess they want a reaction…Whatever.

I also don’t stress & obsess over anything; it will be handled in it’s own time.  My priorities determine it’s importance and I’ll deal with it–when I choose.   This also infuriates others, but they will learn to deal with it.  Their failure to plan/anticipate does not constitute an emergency for me.  Others don’t have to understand my priorities.  Most of them can’t.   Sometimes I come across as being a bitch…Whatever.

I rebel and resist much less than I did during my pre-diagnosis days.   Which famous movie contains the line:  “Resistance is futile.”  Wish I could remember……Anyway….. Rebelling saps too much energy and usually ends up negatively.  I’ve adopted the practice of pulling when I am pushed.  At least we’re moving in the same direction & resolution nearly always follows.

What’s my most favorite part of the new chronic me??  I don’t feel compelled to explain anything to anyone.  There is no need & I have no obligation to do so.  Do they like it?  No…Whatever.   They ask me a question, I say “no”.  If I’m asked why, I simply say, “It’s personal, but thanks for asking.”  Along the same vein, I have learned to pick my battles.  I don’t mention anything about my health unless I feel like answering questions and explaining.  I do want to promote education & advocacy and it’s important that I explain myself well.

Thank you for reading my introduction; many of you are learning about me at the same time I am.   I’m proud to be part of Graceful Agony’s first ever Blog Carnival!!

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17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. phylor
    Aug 17, 2010 @ 14:08:11

    Nice to meet you!:) The Graceful Agony blog carnival has given me the opportunity to get to know more about the folks whose names I see on fb, etc.

    Reply

  2. Maryn Christophel
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 23:20:30

    I just started blogging and thought that I was all alone out there floundering around when I found Graceful Agony. I am so touched to find that there are so many other amazing women who are with me. I feel as if I have been on an island all this time and have just been reunited with my people. Thanks
    Maryn

    Reply

    • autoimmunemaven
      Aug 16, 2010 @ 23:32:34

      Welcome!! I’m new myself and muddling (& floundering) & wallowing myself. It’s nice to have friends to wallow in the mud with! I equate it to finding a lost village; it’s a comfortable place and God knows we need it. Thanks for reading my blog and double thanks for sharing yourself! Looking forward to learning more with you.

      Reply

  3. fibromama
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 20:58:03

    I love how you state that you are both an educator and a student. As a mom I sometimes forget that I am also a student in many areas. Great blog!

    Reply

    • autoimmunemaven
      Aug 16, 2010 @ 21:08:28

      Thank you fibromama! We are also teachers and students of each other. I was so excited when I realized I didn’t have to HAVE all the answers! I’ve learned more from my friends than I could ever learn on my own. Thanks for reading my blog.

      Reply

  4. Kathy
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 09:21:24

    Excellent! Years ago when I was working, a sign was placed at our receptionist’s desk (by the receptionist) that stated “Lack of Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency on Mine.” That about said it all, at that workplace and others…..

    Reply

    • autoimmunemaven
      Aug 16, 2010 @ 09:30:45

      Amen Kathy, amen. I use the line all the time, especially in my job at the half-way house with the addicts. I paraphrase it as “You wasted all of your time watching TV instead of doing your chore & NOW you want me to get my panties in a wad?” Same thing tho. ;-)) Thanks for all of your support chick. Hope you get to feeling better!

      Reply

  5. wendyburnett
    Aug 16, 2010 @ 00:47:25

    “Resistance is futile” came from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space 9 . . . It was the line used by the cyborg species (the Borg) that attempted to assimilate all the species they came in contact with.

    Reply

    • autoimmunemaven
      Aug 16, 2010 @ 07:12:06

      Dang Wendy, you busted me out on my Star Trek obsession!! I’m a fan of ALL things Star Trek-old and new. Now I have to dwell on whether or not I was subconsciously channeling the Borg…. All kidding aside–Thanks, I’ve learned a lot from you.

      Reply

  6. spicyt
    Aug 15, 2010 @ 21:45:43

    awesome! i luv ur blog and enjoyed reading ur intro!
    http:spicyt.wordpress.com

    Reply

  7. Dominique
    Aug 15, 2010 @ 18:13:45

    Great job! I feel like I got to know you just a little better! 🙂

    Reply

    • autoimmunemaven
      Aug 16, 2010 @ 07:04:57

      Thanks Dominique! I’m always open to hints, tips & constructive criticism. I love being part of a group with such great experience. Hope your health is continuing to stabilize!

      Reply

  8. Trackback: The kick-off to OUR NEW BLOG CARNIVAL!! « Graceful Agony

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